direct from . . .
Top Ten Perks of Working for the Census Bureau
You get to use that new abacus you got for Christmas.
Including ridiculous questions that serve no purpose other than the enhancement of your own amusement, such as specific queries regarding balloon usage or floor tile amount per household
You can now recite from memory the complete list of United States citizens who have at least one dog, more than two bathrooms in their homes, and have worked in the past week as a used pastry salesperson.
Get even with all the kids who said, "You don't count."
As an advertisement developer, you get all the money that isn't going to the public schools.
You could learn all sorts of fascinating stuff about the American public: ie, who all these people are that give shows like "change of heart" and "divorce court" high enough ratings to stay on the air.
(Sweet potata pie!)
Having advance warning of any census, you can stand out in the street at midnight and screw up the figures by not being counted.
Power to obliterate your enemies from the very fabric of reality with the simple touch of an eraser to their census forms
You now know exactly how many girls you have a chance of scoring with.
Training includes watching videos of The Count from Sesame Street.
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Last modified: Apr 3, 2000