direct from . . .
Top Ten Signs You Have a Bad HMO
You get a 10% discount on your co-pay if you do the surgery yourself.
(One Tough Stitcher)
You could have sworn that the doctor listed in your HMO is the same guy who repaired your leaky faucet last week.
All the preferred providers are located in "Twin Trailers Medikal Towurs."
After being told you need a life-saving operation, your HMO releases funds to pay for a funeral instead because it is cheaper.
They require you to carry "Bad HMO" rider policy and uninsured practitioner protection.
The "All surgeons must wash their hands before returning to the operating room" sign in the bathroom
Their Nurse's Helpline is a 1-900 number.
(One Tough Caller)
The company slogan: "Only live patients pay premiums."
You're pretty sure your physician was made by Jim Henson.
You only get one actual doctor's visit per year; the rest of the time they just send some fat sweaty guy over to your house to scratch himself and say, "walk it off, sissy boy."
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Last modified: May 1, 2000