direct from . . .
Top Ten Little-Known Duties of the Secretary of State
(submitted by Deimodius)
Keeping Dick Cheney's pacemaker supplied with fresh batteries
Ceremonially opening all new restrooms in government buildings by flushing them one by one while someone plays the national anthem on a harmonica
Converting 5-page Morning Briefings from the CIA into believable shadow puppet plays
Refereeing the thumbwrestling matches between the Attorney General and the Secretary of the Treasury
Continually ask the President (in a squeeky voice), "So, whadda ya wanna do tonight, Brain?"
Ensuring the President and Vice President don't show up to an official function wearing the same tie
Must be Bobo the Clown for all President's children's birthdays
Negotiating bulk purchase of sunglasses for the secret service
Presidential Proxy for pie eating contests, spelling bees and drug tests
Writing down everything the president says during top-secret slumber parties
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Last modified: Jun 23, 2003