Hire someone to stalk him, then escape when he is distracted.
(brianhenning.com)
Go to a "Where's Waldo?" convention. In Costume.
(daddydonCosPlay)
Develop a love for bagpipes and play them wherever you go.
(Father Time)
Swat his behind with rolled up newspaper, rub his nose in dog poo, and say,"BAD."
(JLM2tried&true)
Start talking to him about all of your submissions to www.csittl.com.
(Aaron Hirshberg)
Turn your head 180 and speak to him in a sepulchral shriek with glowing red eyes. Difficult to pull off, but guaranteed effective.
(Oren Otter)
Marry him. Then he'll spend most of his time somewhere else.
(Chuck1863)
Eat lots of beans.
(Iron Chef Klingon)
Go hunting with Dick Cheney.
(No Dear I didn't)
A sex change operation usually does the trick.
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