direct from . . .
Top Ten Signs You're at a Bad Christmas Tree Lot
(submitted by The Frunkus Kid)
The lot has salespeople in Santa hats, bounce houses, slides, and gives out balloons. They're missing trees.
All the empty crates marked "Green Pipe Cleaners"
The "Bob Marley, Christmas in Jamaica" tree is sold in individual baggies and only legal in Colorado.
Arizona Pine sounded like an exotic tree choice, but upon further inspection turned out to be a spraypainted tumblweed.
The proprietor assures you all the screaming noises are "just normal tree sounds."
They have a thriving sideline business selling pine needle mulch.
The special holiday "self illuminating tree" is actually a dried out cedar tree soaked in turpintine with match heads glued to the branches and disposable lighters as ornaments.
You swear you bought the same tree last year...it even has your old ornament!
The entire inventory consists of a stack of maps showing who has evergreen trees in their yard.
The state posted a Smokey Bear sign out front that says "Today's fire risk level is 'HIGH.'"
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Last modified: Dec 18, 2014