direct from . . .
Top Ten Ways to Avoid Mowing Your Lawn
Say that if you mowed it, you might find your "stolen" car, and you've already gotten the insurance money for it.
Pretend your lawnmower is possessed and if you turn it on it will attack defenseless pets; Attempt to exsorise it every weekend.
Buy several thousand bags of plastic "Easter grass" and several industrial size bottles of super glue: TA DAH, never mow again!
Put a for sale sign on your mower and let buyers test run it on your grass. Then up the price because it works so well.
Only live in a house for about two weeks during the summer, and then move.
Kill half of the grass and let the other half grow long. Then "comb" it over.
Mount your yard on a hydraulic lift and lower your yard every week.
Say that you can't stand the screams of the poor defenseless blades of grass and go sit in the corner, gently rocking back and forth.
Let your wife overhear you cursing the nefarious "Spark plug bandits" running amok in the neighborhood.
Have a kid. Wait ten years. Make him mow it.
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Last modified: Jun 15, 1998